Tuesday, October 30, 2012

HOTPIL #1 – Halloween Dress Up

I enjoy making lists.  I don’t know why, but writing things down and making a list usually gives me a sense of control.  It helps me put things in better perspective. This blog could use a little more something…  I have been foundering with what I want to do with this blog lately, so I decided it needed a list.  This is my first post in my HOTPIL Series (Happiness on This Path in Life).  Sounds cheery, right?  I think this gloomy blog needed something to cheer things up lately.  Plus, HOTPIL posts will only contain accounts, stories, things, or ways that I find happiness in life.
Halloween Past
I honestly think that Halloween is one holiday that I enjoy more as an adult than I enjoyed it as a child.  When I was a child usually dressing up was a day before, or the day of Halloween rush to find a costume.  For the most part my costumes consisted of random old pieces of dance costumes, hand-me-downs, or any last minute item my mom could spare a minute to throw together. 
Trick or Treat in a small town in Wyoming isn’t that fun.  Is was nothing like I would see other kids do on movies or TV shows, where groups of kids would walk down city blocks, going from door to door and getting bundles of candy.  Trick or Treating in a small town in Wyoming often included bundling winter clothes over your Halloween costume because you had to Trick or Treat during a snow storm or cold rain.  It was usually wet and cold and it ended early.  I lived outside of our small town so my mom would have to drive us from house to house, so it consisted of getting in and out of the car a lot, being wet and cold, and it did not usually last long. 
My favorite part of Halloween as a child was AFTER we went Trick or Treating.  My dad created a tradition of watching a Halloween movie afterwards.  Sometimes they were old movies that were done terribly, other times they were scary movies that would leave me afraid of dark corners for a few nights, and other times they were silly movies.  But, everyone in the family was allowed to stay up late and eat candy.  It was something the family did together.
Halloween Present
I love Halloween as an adult.  We go to at least 1 Halloween dress up party every year.  Some years involve weeks of planning my costume.  Some years I buy a costume and spend time shopping for the perfect costume and accessories.  Other years I have spent weeks trying to use my rusty sewing skills to create the perfect costume that I will only wear once.  My favorite costume I have ever made for myself as an adult was a She-Ra costume.  I was a big fan of the cartoon as a child.  It was my first attempt at making a corset and also included a sword that had a light on it (I know it was pretty silly, but it turned out so good).  This year with my busy schedule between school and work, I had to settle for a more common costume.  I dressed up as a 1920’s Flapper with fringed dress.  We traveled out of town this last weekend to go to a bar where a band we know of was playing.  The best part of dressing up as a flapper is dancing with a fringed dress.  I twisted and danced myself until I had to more energy, and I still have a few sore muscles that remind me of the fun I had that night.
The HOTPIL bonus is that we didn’t have to worry about having an overnight babysitter to go to a Halloween party.  We didn’t have to debate about doing Trick or Treating with children vs. going to a Halloween party.  We took our time traveling home the next day because our cats don’t mind if we come home early or late, just as long as we come home!
Anyone else out there love Halloween more as an adult than when they were children?

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Suspended In Time

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in time?  Like the world just keeps on moving past you while you sit and watch?  This is how I have been feeling lately.  I’m just sitting here in my life watching other people live theirs.  Watching my family, friends, and work acquaintances add to their families.  I was contemplating this and I got a picture in my head of myself suspended in time while the world whizzes by (you know, like it does on those sci-fi shows).
I realized that this picture is inaccurate.  I’m not suspended in time.  I am aging with the rest of the world.  I need to quit focusing on the external and focus more on my internal. 
There is still part of me that grieves every day for the family I wasn’t able to create.  I grieve for children that were never created, for traits of me and my spouse that will never be passed on to anyone.  This piece of me will probably always be there.  But, instead of trying to shove it aside, shrink it, or trying to put other things in its place I need to let it be.  I need to accept that it is part of me and makes me who I am.  It might be an experience that other people want to ignore, but it is an experience that I need to learn to embrace because it is who I am now.  Easier said than done, right!