Have you ever felt like you are stuck in time? Like the world just keeps on moving past you while you sit and watch? This is how I have been feeling lately. I’m just sitting here in my life watching other people live theirs. Watching my family, friends, and work acquaintances add to their families. I was contemplating this and I got a picture in my head of myself suspended in time while the world whizzes by (you know, like it does on those sci-fi shows).
I realized that this picture is inaccurate. I’m not suspended in time. I am aging with the rest of the world. I need to quit focusing on the external and focus more on my internal.
There is still part of me that grieves every day for the family I wasn’t able to create. I grieve for children that were never created, for traits of me and my spouse that will never be passed on to anyone. This piece of me will probably always be there. But, instead of trying to shove it aside, shrink it, or trying to put other things in its place I need to let it be. I need to accept that it is part of me and makes me who I am. It might be an experience that other people want to ignore, but it is an experience that I need to learn to embrace because it is who I am now. Easier said than done, right!