Baptism By Fire’s recent post Running out, about losing her friends without children is a topic that I have been thinking about the past month.
A friend posted on facebook that they are expecting recently, just inside their 1 year marriage mark. While I am happy for them I was shocked that she would make this public announcement at 5 weeks pregnant! I was amazed that she would make that announcement so early in her pregnancy, and with her being a nurse I am sure she has plenty of knowledge of all things that could possibly go wrong, but then again she has never lived in the infertility world where things in that area of life just don’t work out as planned. So, I hope everything goes well for her.
A few weeks later I was at my other friend’s house waiting for her to get ready so we could go out. I was standing next to her bookshelf looking at what she has to read. We have swapped books several times so I didn’t think she would mind me looking at her bookcase in her living room. I spied the dreaded book that pregnant people read when they are expecting (I don’t want to name the book here as to not draw innocent Google searchers to my barren womb blog). Next to it was a book about being a father, and next to that one was a book of baby names. This set of friends has just been married 1 year also. I stood there and realized that they will probably be next to join the parenting group. Our circle of carefree friends that can do any activity on a whim will once again be shrinking.
I have done this circuit before. When our friends have children we see them less. Our get-togethers become less frequent. They must get home in the night earlier than us, or arrange for overnight sitters. They plan activities that exclude us because they are kid oriented. We have found new friendships during these prior wakes that fill in the holes that were left, but it still sucks to cycle through again.
With the culture in the state that I reside in, people start their families a lot earlier here than in other parts of the US. Early 20’s is standard. This leaves the pool of childfree/childless people in our age group pretty sparse. Both of my above mentioned friends are 9 to 7 years younger than me now. So where does this leave me now getting ready to look for new friends? Ok so picture this, currently I have gotten back my acne problems since my Dr took me off birth control after my surgery. 33 and acne is not a good combination! Plus to add to the awkwardness I am getting braces next week! I have finally decided to fix my overbite that I have always been self-conscious of. I hate looking at pictures of me if I am smiling too big because it is more gums than teeth. I know it is a vanity thing, but I figure why not just fix it now rather than complain about it the rest of my life. So I have been picturing my 30 something self with acne and braces looking for new friends out of the 20 something childfree pool! So I am laughing at myself picturing my dorky self out there trying to find new friendsJ
I’m actually pretty happy with myself right now. This would have left me devastated in the past. But then again my second friend isn’t pregnant yet and I don’t even know for sure if they are trying. I just found some books on the shelf that have lead me to waste time thinking about something that isn’t even happening. Infertility leaves you trying to brace and prepare for events that haven’t even happened.