Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I'm still here!

I really haven’t fallen off the face of the world.  I’m still here living my crazy life.  Things just really starting getting out of control for me this winter, and this little blog is one of the things that had to move to the back burner.

I found out my younger brother has cancer… and the Dr’s are not giving him a good recovery outcome.  I have a hard time not concentrating on all the things he could possibly miss out on in his life.  He started another round of chemo again last week.  This has really put life in a different perspective for me.  Knowing what he is going through and the torture his body is experiencing leaves less time for me to think about myself and my infertility.  Our extended family has had bad luck with cancer too.  I have an uncle and my husband has an aunt that is also fighting cancer.

I did go into the Dr’s office in November, asking them to check my hormone levels.  I was emotional, anxious, couldn’t sleep, gaining weight and my acne was out of control.  I was convinced that my hormones were out of whack.  Well, my blood tests came back with everything in a normal range and I left with a prescription for anti-depressants.  I don’t think that it helped that I broke out into tears when the Dr asked me if we were going to start “trying” again.  I just get so frustrated trying to explain myself when someone asks me that question.  I left the office pissed that I had that prescription, but my husband talked me into filling it.  So I filled it and started taking it.  It has made me feel better.  I don’t think I obsess about single things for hours like I have been doing the past few years.  But the bad side affect is that I sleep so much!  These last few months I have had the best sleep of my life!  I kind of wonder if that is really the thing that is making me feel better… having a normal 8 hour sleep schedule has done wonders for my mood.  Sadly, the late nights surfing the Internet is when I did the majority of my blog writing and reading.

I do have good news.  We added new member to our family just before Christmas!  The animals now outnumber the people in my house. 
She is the cutest little puppy ever and I love her so much!  This picture is of her (and my knees).  We had to get a little sweater for her because the week we got her the temperature was below zero and she had a hard time going to the bathroom outside in the extreme cold.  The sweater is a XS and now fits her better.  She is a mix of about 6 small dog breeds.  She is currently 4 ½ months old and weighs about 4 lbs.  Everyone keeps asking me how big she will be when she is fully grown, and I’m not really sure since she comes from so many breeds of smaller dogs.  We think she will stay pretty little.  Her mom is only about 5 lbs.  Unfortunately my cats were not happy when we brought the puppy home.  The younger cat has learned to accept her, but the older cat is still pretty pissed off about her.  He tolerates her as long as she stays away from him.  We have already completed a 6 week puppy training class (another thing that has taken away from my blogging time).  Of course she was everyone’s favorite because she was by far the smallest puppy in the class.  Now, if only we can get past the chewing phase…  She chews on everything! 

I’m still working on my graduate degree.  I have just under a year left to complete my program but I have been thinking about adding a few more classes and extending my graduation date.  I think this would be good for my career, but I am so ready to be done with school and to have my weekends back.  I will have to decide in a few months if I will be adding extra classes or not.

There have been a lot of pregnancies popping up that I am dealing with.  In June my husband and I will have a total of 15 nieces and nephews!  That is not a typo, the number really is 15, and I’m sure it will keep growing.  My close friend is pregnant.  I wrote about expecting that to happen after I saw some baby books at her house back here.  The announcements really haven’t been that hard to deal with.  The worst is that feeling of being left behind when I hear an announcement, but that is part of life that I accepted when we quit fertility treatments.  I’m learning that this feeling will always be a part of life.

I have been experimenting with cooking, new foods, and new recipes.  I have been reading about the endo diet and trying to incorporate that into my life.  I’m starting slowly and changing things little by little.  I think if I jumped in full speed ahead into the diet I would hate it and it would only last a few weeks.  My husband has been a good sport.  Cooking has never been something that came naturally to me, and we have had some disappointing dinners lately!  I think I would like to write about this more when I find time.  The last month I have been able to feel some benefits from eating healthier.

I appreciate all of you, my friends out here on the Internet.  I am hoping that I will be back soon.  I passed my 1 year blog anniversary on Feb 2nd and didn’t even realize it!  I have a lot of reading and catching up to do in blog land!


  1. It's nice that you're back, and feeling better - whether it is the medication, or the good night's sleep you're now getting as a result of the medication.

    I'm very sorry about your brother, and I hope that whatever happens, you get to spend lots of precious time with him.

  2. I'm SORRY to hear about your brother. :-((( Praying for strength and comfort for all of you...

    And I'm glad to hear about your good sleep. 15 nieces and nephews? Geez...I only have one brother and hubby has only two nephews (no more 'coz the brothers are older than him), though I'll get another niece/nephew sometime in autumn, but I don't think I'll get to have anymore than that.

    Anyway, welcome back and the little puppy is SO cute indeed! :-D And Happy belated 1st Blogaversary! :-D

  3. I'm glad to see you back in the blogging world!

    I'm very sorry about your brother and family- it does seem sometimes there's no breaks. Hang in there, with much love and hugs. Mali is right, spend much time with your brother as possible- just being there can also help him too, as well as for you.

    Yeah- sometimes taking medication is good enough, :) I'm trying not to think as a therapist (gotta remind myself I'm not being paid right now!), but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Sometimes it is a pain in ass to take medication, but sometimes gotta do it... think it as an umbrella- something to get out of the rain.

    I want that adorable pup! :D I have a weakness for small dogs (Lola and Hairy can verify to that.)

    Didn't know that you started writing same time I did! 2/2/12 was when I started writing too!

    Glad you dropped off a note, to let us know you're okay. Now you're okay, we're okay. :)

  4. As everyone else here said, very sorry to hear about the illness and associated stress in your family. Glad to hear you've been able to rest and get some relief.

    I'm more a cat than a dog person, but this little dog is adorable.

    Very happy to hear you're making some positive changes; I see bright things for you...

    P.s. my blog link changed at year's end. There are new posts since the one in your sidebar.

    1. Thanks for telling me to update the link to your blog! It's fixed.

  5. I was happy to see a new post from you!
    Welcome back!

    I am sorry to hear about the cancer... I wish all the best to your brohter.

    You puppy is extra sweet!

  6. Good to hear from you, & happy blogoversary! What a cute puppy. :) But I too am sorry to hear about your brother. :(

  7. I miss your blog!
    How are you?
    How is your brother? Lots of good wishes from Europe for him!