Sunday, February 26, 2012

Good News and Bad News

This has been a very busy week for me.  Good news is I finished my first class for my graduate program taking the final early Saturday morning.  Yay!  Now for the bad news, my new Dr that I mentioned in my last post sent me for a rectal/pelvic MRI on Tuesday.  He called me with the results Friday.  Not good news.  My endometriosis is inside of my bowels.  Apparently my endo is very aggressive.  It is not normal for endo to get inside a person’s bowels like it has with mine.  Lucky me!  This news explains the painful bloody bowel movements I have been having during my periods the last couple of years.  This is the reason I sought out a new Dr.  My old Dr didn’t believe the problems I was having.  Even knowing I have advanced endo.  She kept trying to tell me that I had a hemorrhoid and to take laxatives, even though I wasn’t having constipation problems.  She never even checked to see if I really had a hemorrhoid.  I was embarrassed that she didn’t believe so I just suffered with this problem in silence.  I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I went to the new Dr and he believed me and sent me for the MRI to check out what is going on inside me.  I was planning on having surgery on my endo in April, but now it will include surgery on my bowels.  Hopefully they can remove the endo without having to take a section of my colon out.  Dr said that they won’t know until they get inside for the surgery and try to remove it.  I have a pre-op appointment end of March where we will go over in detail what the surgery will entail.   He said we will talk about my reproductive organs during this visit also.  I have known a hysterectomy will probably be in my future because I have advanced endo, but I hope that I don’t have to have one yet, but at the same time I am tired of living with endo and the problems it brings with it.  I want to feel normal again.  The good news about the surgery is that they will also remove a breast cyst thas decided to show up recently.  One surgery to take out all the crap inside me.

I have a lot of anger about my endo.  I know lots of other people that have endo in real life.  Everyone else was able to have children.  Some had to try a little harder than others and have surgery, but I am the only one that wasn’t ever able.  I don’t know why mine is more aggressive, and I don’t know why it decided to live inside a non-reproductive organ, other than to hurt me in other places.  I do have a dark secret, where I wish for a hysterectomy and an end to my endo.  I know that a hysterectomy doesn’t always rid a person of endo, and that’s a scary thought.  I also know that having a hysterectomy also comes with a whole other ball park of things to deal with.  Want to know an even darker secret?  Sometimes I think about if I have a hysterectomy then other people will stop trying to tell me about every person that had an unexpected pregnancy when they thought they couldn’t have another child.  I have accepted that I will not have a miracle pregnancy.  I just wish other people would accept it.


  1. My endo had started into my bowel & my surgery was a year ago this past December....I feel your pain & if you have any questions or anything, please feel free to contact me! I will be thinking of you!! **hugs**

  2. I'm sorry to hear that you got such a crappy diagnosis. Hugs and prayers as you go through your surgery work ups and beyond.

  3. SO SORRY to hear about this. I hope the surgery goes fine and your recovery period is fine, too.


    I did write something similar in my IF blog once - that I sometimes wish I had menopause already so I don't have to think about the possibility of being pregnant and people will stop asking me the wrong questions or telling me "It'll happen in the right time."

  4. Thanks Everyone.
    Amel: I think I read that in your blog. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this feeling. It's like we are still waiting for the final resolution. We know in our minds what it is, but other people still are holding onto hope for us. It is nice that other people hope for us, but this hope isn't helpful with moving on in our lives.

  5. I can relate to that. Hope is a tricky thing when it comes to IF. Before IF, I used to think that hope was always good he he he he...

    I still have one friend telling me she still visualizes me with kids in the future. It doesn't bother me anymore now (I think in the past this kind of thing would bother me and would bring up my self-defense). It's more like HER wish for me, but I don't wish that for us anymore because just as you said: it's not helpful to move on when we keep on peeking into the other direction (or turning around to a different path). We'll miss the beauties on the path we're treading if we keep on doing that. I understand her well wishes for me completely and I do appreciate it,'s like wishing for a different movie/book ending (so to speak). But it's so hard for other people to understand that, eh?

  6. I have a good friend who has horrible endo, and at 25 had a full hystorectomy. It did her in emotionally for a year or two because of the sudden menopause at that young age, but it did not end all the problems. I am sorry you have endo. I have IBS that they thought was endo when i was 19 yrs old. so i hope you feel better soon, but try not to rush into the "cure" as it doesnt always work out that well