I haven’t really had a lot to say lately, IRL or here. I have been keeping myself really busy so I don’t have much free time. I’m still busy with my summer classes and work is busy so I’m putting in a few extra hours. My yard has somehow sprung out of control, probably because I ignored it this spring after my surgery. I have been squeezing in some maintenance and repairs on the house we live in and the house that we rent out. I have been avoiding meeting M’s new nephews and babies that our friends have had the last few months. Family and friends keep mentioning to me that we need to go see these babies, but I have not been making the time for that. I rarely make time to see our friends, forget about their kids.
I came to the assumption that to the outside world it may look like I’m hiding, but I don’t think that is exactly correct. Maybe you could call it hiding in the short term, but in my mind I feel like it is more like preparing for the future. I feel calm and more peace with my emotions right now. I haven’t had any emotional breakdowns, no tears. I am working hard to have a better future for M and I. I’m excited as I can check off each class as I get closer to attaining my Master’s degree. I’m hoping that what I am doing at work will be noticed. I want to get our house and our rental house in good shape in case we decide that a move is in our future and they need to be sold. I am working on my projects and my to-do list because I feel good about myself when I can delete items off it.
I am getting out this weekend and going with some friends to their family cabin in a neighboring state. I know this will be a fairly child free weekend and I am excited for this fact.
So to the outside world it may look like I am hiding, but this emotional calm that I am finding is worth the little bit of distance I have created for the time being.